Once upon a time I was a little girl, barefoot, running around a coconut grove in Kuau, Maui. I could run to my heart's content to the ocean - splash, find shells, explore, come home salty. Fall into my bed exhausted. Hear the rain falling on the roof of our beach shack - the only thing separating me from outside a plate glass window and a screen with jalousies on the bottom.
My life was so simple. With the ups and downs of the construction business, we either feasted and shopped at Liberty House or ate beans and rice for weeks and shopped at Salvation Army. Trips to Salvation Army were like treasure hunts and I found so many wonderful clothes and shoes.
Later we would move to Haiku and I would live in a 1929 Plantation House with a farm across the street. Each night I fell asleep to the sound of rain against a metal roof. I went to highschool and laughed that my English teacher spoke Pidgin, my Spanish teacher threw parties and didn't teach the language, and I sailed through highschool completely unnoticed.
When I started working at the Four Seasons in the reservations office when I was 19, I was introduced into the world of "having things". The chatter of the office was which Coach or Louis Vuitton bag you had, which new MAC makeup you were buying, and how many gold Hawaiian bangles you had on your wrist. Peter and I were working, why shouldn't we have "things"? Why did we have to live the simple life of our childhood? Enter credit card debt.
I will be the first person to admit that we didn't make wise choices when it comes to money. We bought a condo, refinanced, and remodeled up the wazoo with what we thought was important - when it really wasn't. We took mainland trips that we couldn't afford. We bought Coach bags. We even bought a diamond ring that I 'Had to have'. All ridiculous "things".
We chose not to live a simple life, and Maui kicked us in the rear - we couldn't afford to stay with the debt we had accumulated - with the bad choices we had made - and with our family growing. I swore that I didn't want my kids to have to grow up with just a "simple life". I want them to have all the educational opportunities that the mainland can provide.
And now we're here in Austin, Texas. We live in a suburban home so insulated from the elements that we cannot hear it raining. We have no mountains. We have no ocean. The kids have an amazing preschool. We've made friends. What I wasn't expecting was how out of place I would feel - How completely uneducated I feel here. I wasn't expecting the level of "Keeping up with the Joneses" there is here. Because here there really is a lot of money. It's not just people with their Coach bags going home to their little houses. It's BIG houses. REAL money. And I feel so tiny and small. It's a world I don't understand and I'm not sure I want to be a part of. My days of wanting "things" are over. If anything, I want a more simple life than ever. What I wouldn't give for a little plantation house with a metal roof - taking my keiki's to the beach. A simple life. I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?".
And then I remember the cost of living. And I remember the education. If I raised my kids on Maui, they would be just like me. Doesn't every parent want their kids to do better than them? I do. I want them to be smarter, to know more than I do, to be smarter about money. But what if I'm making the wrong choice? What if they grow up and say, "You mean I could have had a simple life on Maui and grown up in a little house and gone to the beach? Why did you make me go through all the competitive crap on the mainland?" or they could be grateful for the sacrifices that we're making - part of our own happiness - to make sure they have more opportunities. Will they ever even understand?
Once upon a time I was a little girl and my parents made all the hard choices for me so I could sleep soundly with the rain singing on my rooftop without a care in the world.
6 comments:
First of all, you ARE smart Mariah. There's nothing anyone knows about money and material crap that you can't learn. And make no mistake, your kids are going to grow up and be so thankful that they had you to make hard choices AND to teach Them to make hard choices. Anyone that grew up in the same place forever feels the way you do, assuming their family life was happy and nothing terribly traumatic happened to them. I feel the same way about the ridge, and sometimes I want desperately to return. But the truth is that you can live the way you want to, anywhere, but there will be obstacles and imperfections wherever you land. And the Joneses are most likely not as happy as they work so desperately to appear. Hang tight, and keep working to simplify - I'm right there with you <3
You are a very smart person, do not allow yourself to think different. Common sense smarts and real life smarts FAR outweigh "book smarts". Don't let yourself believe differently. It's your heart that really matters. And you have a HUGE heart.
I know you love Maui, it's an easy place to love. But you are wise in realizing that the education and the value of money there is not in line with what you want for your family. Don't ever feel badly for standing up for what's best for your kids and your family.
Material stuff is struggle for everyone I think. It takes a deep sense of faith and a deep sense of security in ourself to not want stuff and to not think stuff will make us happy.
Your kids will remember the feelings of love and support you and Peter give them, that will be the rain on their tin roof. It's the sense of love and security that matters most to little ones.
Thanks for sharing your heart. Believe in yourself, believe in your God given talents!
Mariah-We had the opposite experience. We moved to Maui when our kids were entering their teens because we felt they were becoming too materialistic on the mainland:-) We envisioned a simpler life on Maui and I can say that we've never regretted doing it. On the mainland, they associated with people from their own neighborhood/part of town. On Maui they associated with kids from all socioeconomic backgrounds. It was a real eye opener for them and they are now so down to earth compared to their old classmates on the mainland. You are a great Mom who will always be involved in your kid's school and I'm sure you will do your best to make them realize that "things" are not the most important part of life, but that is a battle for parents everywhere:-) We had to return to the mainland because of work, but we miss Hawaii every day and will be returning permanently one day:-)
Jan, I read your comment to my husband - and I think you have a great point about going back when the kids are older and they already have a solid educational "rock" to stand on. We really want to move to the West Coast so that we can fly home more often - to make sure the kids grow up with as much aloha as possible.
Thank you all for your comments. It really was wonderful and brightened my day so very much!
Mariah-We are in the Pacific Northwest and it is a great place. Both Seattle and Portland are beautiful and very diverse. I'm sure your homesickness has a lot to do with the fact that Maui truly is your home. How lucky you are to have those roots and family there. That was missing for us somewhat, but we still hope to return. Have you checked into some of the new charter schools in HI? Our friends have a child in the Kihei charter and are very happy with the education he is receiving. There is no place like Hawaii, but hopefully you can find a close second:-)
Jan my cousin goes to the Kihei Charter School and I've heard good things! But the cost of living is still so high I don't know how we would support our family... definitely something to think about.
I've actually hatched a new idea and I'm working on developing it a bit more tonight and then I'll write up a post about it. I think it will solve all of my "missing home" issues.
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