I have had many emails and comments mentioning "mommy and me time" - a time that is dedicated to Ryenne and only Ryenne. As the oldest, I am positive that she feels that she has lost a portion of me.
I have wanted so badly to take her for one-on-one time with me. Just this morning I was mentioning to her that we were going to take a special trip to Target - just her and me while her brothers were at home with Daddy. She was excited.
We had therapy this morning with Kai (which was great by the way!) and Ry had so much fun playing with Marti's kids. Everyone was exhausted by the time we got home. I put Kai to bed and told Ryenne she could read quietly in her room if she didn't want to sleep.
She then proceeded to scream and wake up Kai. With Kai now awake we all went downstairs and Ryenne ripped open a Christmas present. I took her back to her room telling her it's NOT okay to open presents (she knows this) and noticed that she had torn off all her bedding, threw her books all around her room, and took all her clothes out of her dresser. I told her that our trip to Target wasn't going to happen anymore and put her in her room, where she remains at this moment screaming her head off and I'm sure tearing apart everything in there.
I am REALLY trying to give her more attention. But I want it to be POSITIVE attention and all of her actions lately just leave me yelling at her - all the negative things I hate so much. I just don't understand why she would behave so badly when she says she wanted to go out on a fun outing with me.
3 comments:
Wow, Mariah. I can feel your stress from here. This may be a dumb question, but did you ask Ryenne why she's doing these things, knowing that she's supposed to go on a fun outing with you later? You already made it clear to her that bad behavior results in bad things happening, i.e. the Christmas tree coming down, so what is her motivation for being destructive? I'm curious what her train of thought is.
oh ry...she is in the habit of being a menace. remember that it is her habit. don't take away her alone time though, that is the thing she needs most. it was hard for me to take quinn for "mama and me time" when he was acing awful and i loved him but didn't really like him. i made myself spend more and more time with him, and alone i found my sweet little boy. now i see him all the time.
Hey Mariah!
It's Missy (couldn't remember my username and PW.
Anyway, I just wanted to comment on your post. I feel your stress. I definitely feel that a lot of her acting out could be because of the lack of one on one time with you. As others have mentioned. I realize that she has had a meltdown and that makes it hard to "reward" her. But I don't think that you should necessarily view one on one time with you as a reward. It's very much a necessity, especially with the way she is acting out. I also agree with Lacey about talking to her about her feelings. She seems like a very expressive child and it definitely might offer some insight. Sometimes I wish I could do that with Zachariyah...someday. But I definitely think that when she acts out there should be consequences, but for sure try and get that one on one time with her. Even if it's just going for a walk or to the playground. It's SO important.
Hope things settle down. Remember that all children learn, grow and test their limits in different ways. Some children go through "mean" phases and it can be so stressful as a parent to mold them into a kind, responsible child/adult. I can remember when I was young, I was horrid to our family cat and I would do less than nice things to our other pets. I wasn't sadistic, but tossing the cat into the kiddie pool wasn't very nice either!! I eventually learned the importance of being kind to all living things, but it wasn't automatic at that time in my life. I guess what I am trying to convey is that although intense, maybe in some ways Ryenne's behavior isn't all that abnormal. Less than desirable and unacceptable, but not too out there either. Hang in there! (((Hugs)))
Hope some of my thoughts can help. Hope I am not coming across as overbearing. Sometimes I sure wish others I know had experience and advice when it comes to Zachariyah. But there is just still so much we don't know about neurological development, delays and things like autism. One day, and sometimes one minute at a time I remind myself.
Take Care,
Missy
P.S Thank you for the cute holiday card! It's so creative! Thanks for remembering us! We don't celebrate Christmas, but I always love the updates, warm wishes and thoughts from others. :)
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