I took it out on the carpet...

I had a rough night last night. Not just a rough night with Cruz, but a rough night with Kai which resulted in a rough night with Cruz and Ryenne as well. 

Kai is going through that very special time of being two. The time where everything is "NO!" and "ALL BY MYSELF!" and he's swatting everyone and being an all around pill. It makes me so frustrated. 

I woke up really exhausted this morning. Gams needed a break away from the kids (perfectly understandable!) and so we didn't do breakfast at their house today. 

I was feeling really sorry for myself this morning. Things can just be SO HARD. I often feel like my attention units are pulled in so many different directions all at the same time that nothing can ever get done. Aside from household duties which are never caught up on, motherhood duties which have me twisting in emotional knots all the time, business duties which make me act like I have my sh*t together when really I am just going crazy inside - I am just a mess. A total mess. I needed something to take my emotions out on. 

So when Cruz went down for his nap me and the big kids cleaned up the toys in the playroom and I got out my knife and started shredding the carpet. I hate that freaking carpet. I HATE CARPET. 

My parents arrived just as I was toting out the first roll of the disgusting stuff. They helped me move the sauna and the bookcase and get the tack strips out. Them just being here made me calm down a bit. I fear that if they hadn't shown up I would have had some sort of meltdown. Getting the carpet out was quite therapeutic. And while the bookcase was moved, I decided I wanted to paint in there too. 

Tomorrow me and the kids are going to pick up some paint and some floors. Will I actually have a completed room in my house? I hope so.