Saturday, October 26, 2013

Let the healing begin...

I had a really wonderful conversation with my mom yesterday. My body has taken a beating with the move and the stress involved with our last housing situation. I haven't addressed it much here because I was still living in Makawao.

Our issues really stem back toward the Spring and it only got worse through the summer. To the point that I was nervous playing outside with the kids, felt like I was walking on eggshells, and even felt my conversations were being overheard. In essence, the place that was supposed to be my refuge was actually more of a prison and I had to serve my time to get out. I think I bottled up every feeling that I had and it manifested in hand and eye tremors, additional migraines, and speech issues over the last few months. I will be going to get a physical next month - just to make sure I'm all good - but now as I put each item away in my new house I'm feeling more and more the release that I needed. This is OUR space. This is my sanctuary.

I need to let go of the poison that was surrounding me. I think it was even more then I realized because I have been an emotional mess. I'm having a hard time sorting through it and I think I need to make an appointment for an infrared sauna time at Spa Luna because I need to sweat out the toxins that have built up over the last few months.

It all came to a head yesterday - October 25 - the day I turned in the keys. I shut the door to the house, put both hands and arms on the door frame, thanked the house for the last 2 years, said a prayer for the next family - and I said goodbye to the house Emi came up to yell at me screaming that I am never welcome back. Tears streaming down my face I said I cannot talk to her, walked to my car, and drove away. It's amazing to me how emotions can physically alter the body. Tremors, shaking, crying.... I feel like they've been daily occurrences lately. I wish I wasn't so sensitive to the way that others' feel about me. I have always been stricken with that need to please all around me. I need to work on that because I need to make sure that I am ok first before I can help anyone else. Talk about a life lesson!

Our Wailuku house was just tented and is now termite free. I can find a home for all of our things and organize. I wish I was a little more OCD about organization and cleaning.

Going to make myself some coffee, eat a little lunch, and then take the monkeys to swimming lessons.

Let the healing begin... let my soul release the hurt and fear inside.

1 comment:

Kristi said...

find someone who does Kinesiology!!! it is amazing and will allow you to release the negative emotions that are manifesting and creating so much imbalance in your body. trust me on this one. xxxx