Good Friends

Ryenne has finally gotten into the swing of things at school - she is like a little sponge and starting to recognize and read small words. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am at her excitement over learning. Her usual response to my question, "How was your day? What did you learn?" is "It was SCHOOL mom. That's it." - it's like pulling teeth!

But I am so thankful for her friend Joshua. Though they aren't in the same class, they are really good friends and get to play on the playground together. When I pick her up from school they have big hugs for each other with promises to see each other the next day.

Thanks Joshua for being such a good buddy to my girl. I think he's helped her with the transition a lot!

One More

My Kai Boy playing ukulele.... he was so serious. 

Somebody's turning three soon...

I took a very special boy out this afternoon for his very own photo shoot. He did GREAT. I can't wait to show everyone all his cute pictures. But for now...

The Plan... i think

We had our home inspection yesterday and we met the buyers. They are a really nice couple with two kids - they said they LOVE our house. We're still waiting to hear on the results of the inspection if there's anything that they're requesting us to fix.

As many of you know we're losing money on the house. In fact, it's wiping out our savings completely. BUT, rather than be sad about this, I'm happy that I'm not going to be tied to it anymore. It's the biggest thing keeping us in Texas. So while there are lots of happy memories in this house, I'm happy to be moving on.

I think we'll be heading to a 2 bedroom apartment or duplex and will be saving like crazy. We've been talking about it a lot and we both prefer not to move back home broke. So we'll stay in Texas and build up our reserves to pay for the move and a couple months worth of rent on Maui so it will be an easier transition. And the kids will get to finish out the school year in Austin. So target date for our Maui move is May 31, 2012. It's longer than what I was hoping for but I think it's the smartest thing for our family to make sure we don't move before we're financially ready.

A few pics & A Day Out with Thomas

Before I go into detail about our trip up to Burnet yesterday, I wanted to share a couple of other pictures and updates...

On my drive home from a photo shoot on Tuesday I drove home through the city during sunset. It was quite lovely!!

When Cruz is asleep and Ry is at school, me and Kai Boy head outside. He was picking me flowers off the weeds. :)

Dot art on his last therapy session. More details about his therapy in progress coming in his very own post!

His name with dot art! I think I'm going to cut out the letters and put it in a frame. 

Yesterday Pops came over with his big truck and we transferred the carseats and headed up to Burnet for the Day Out with Thomas. Last year it was on Kai's birthday but this year it was a week early. I was hoping that the weather would change and it would be semi-cool/comfortable, but it was 104 yesterday! The kids had fun but were really hot.

Of course Kai doesn't like looking where we ask him!

Striking a pose

The kiddos with Pops

Thomas attached to 1920's train. It was really lovely!

The boys saying goodbye to Thomas

Scorching hot... this was toward the end. The kids were pretty done!

On the train - Ry and Pops

The back camera so it's pixely. 

Love her face in this one!

Sweaty posing LOL

Ry was in the seat in front with Pops

After we said goodbye to Thomas we went to Marble Falls to eat dinner. Chili's is right on the water so we decided on that. Wow was it terrible. I don't think I'll ever go back to a Chili's again. Yuck-o. When we got home the kids took a bath and were pretty tired. I did a workout and went to bed early.

It was nice doing an activity out and about.

Plateau

I've been in a weight loss plateau for a while. Sometimes I get really depressed about it and can't understand why I've stopped losing weight. I'm working REALLY hard at this. But my body isn't dropping weight as easily as it was in the beginning.

I'm in my second week of p90x - doing it for the second time - and I'm hoping that this will help me get out of this battle.

It also helped to look back at where I started and see how far I've come. I've come a really long way - I realize that now. I just needed to see a picture to remind myself and feel proud of myself.

Here's to continuing on this journey!

My first C.S.A.

I have joined my first C.S.A. (Community Supported Agriculture) program. I really, really enjoyed going to the farmer's market a few times, but it's really overwhelming with the kids. There is a little petting zoo there that's cute but it's $15 for the kids to spend 5 minutes with the animals. Plus there's popsicles and all kinds of other things to bribe kids and it gets expensive, hot, and hard for me to get everyone and everything in the car.

While I was at the Farmers Market last time I noticed a company called Greenling. They work with a variety of farmers to distribute boxes of goods to people. I signed up for the local box delivered weekly that is full of all that weeks harvest. I got my first box on Tuesday. I should have taken a picture of it!

In addition to the local box I also got local unhomogenized milk (YUM!!!), pasture raised organic eggs,  and all natural butter. The really neat thing about it is that it comes with really local things - things I wouldn't even know what to do with sometimes. This weeks box came with fresh beans, purple hulled peas, corn, lettuce, asian pears, green beans,  mushrooms, onions, and butternut squash. I am having a ball figuring out how to use everything.

The other night I made acorn squash stuffed with chicken sausage stuffing. It was SO AMAZING. Tonight I'm making a tomatillo chicken soup with the fresh beans and corn. I'm LOVING THIS!

A Solid Offer

Our house went on the market in June and we've been cleaning and keeping it beautiful. It has been a challenge with three little monkeys eager to mess everything up, but it ultimately hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. It's actually been really nice to have a clean home to enjoy and cook in.

We received a really low-ball cash offer the other day. Our house is listed at $189,000 and it was for $170,000. Not so hot. And they didn't like our counter-offer at $185,000. But then we got another offer from someone else for $186,000. We are super excited and have accepted the offer. Next step is the home inspection and we'll go from there. I believe everything in the house is fine, but please send thoughts into the universe that the house passes the inspection with flying colors!

Once this all happens, the closing date is 11/11/11. We are going to end up owing money on the house which is going to wipe out our savings. As much as I'd like to ship everything to Maui right away, we'll need to stay in Austin and rent something small and cheap and save like crazy people. As much as I wanted to be in Maui by December, I don't know if that can happen just yet. I have some jewelry that I'm going to sell and some furniture so all of that will go into the "moving to Maui fund".

We are so excited about this. Please everyone send prayers that this goes smoothly and that we can find something in budget to rent with a smooth move.

September 19, 2010

September 19, 2010, was one of the worst days and one of the best days of my life.

Normally 9/19 is a completely happy day for us - it's my Pops birthday and it's also the day back in 2005 that our little eggs were implanted and it ultimately resulted in our beautiful Ryenne.

But last year, 9/19 was an extremely difficult day for me. It ultimately changed me in ways that I can't even measure.

On 9/19 last year I thought my baby was going to die. On that same day I thought my marriage was going to end.

I haven't wanted to write about it because I have been in a year long healing process and needed to not talk about it with anyone while I processed things internally. If you go back to my post last year, you'll read how I wrote everything so lightly. It wasn't a light day. It was a heavy, hard day.

Today I'd like to talk about that day - what happened then - and what's happened since.

Last year we were having breakfast to celebrate Pops' birthday. Kai was at the height of his issues (though I hadn't recognized them all yet) and was having difficulty holding himself up when he was sitting. At the table he fell out of his chair and hit his head on the iron leg of the dining table - hard. I stupidly went on a walk. At home, he started throwing up and convulsing. My mom came over to watch the other two and I strapped Kai in the car to take him to the emergency room.

I kept talking to him and his eyes would roll and he'd close his eyes. I pulled the car over, jumped to the back seat and yelled at him "DON'T YOU DIE!" and kissed him and jumped back in the drivers seat to take him to the ER. He threw up in the car and again as we were running into the ER. He had a CAT scan and was given nausea meds and was monitored in the ER. His brain was ok but he was weak. They sent us home and told me to monitor him for anything else abnormal.

When we got home I tucked him into a blanket on the couch so that I could monitor him. Chico snipped at him and I got very upset. As many of you recall, I had been having issues with Chico and I wanted to put him down because he kept biting the kids. But this episode of him trying to bite my Boy while I was still on an adrenaline rush was just too much.

After this happened, Peter woke up and I told him about the events of the day. I should have told him when I was taking Kai to the hospital, but I decided to let him sleep so he wouldn't be tired.

Peter and I had been growing apart for several months. Peter had this way of turning things around whenever I tried to talk about something that was bothering me. If I ever tried to bring something up about needing help with the house or with the kids, he would immediately turn off and give me the silent treatment. It got to a point where it was always me apologizing to him even though I had done nothing wrong. It had gotten to a point where he wasn't involved in anything we were doing. He was becoming an outsider in his own family. I don't know if it was him missing Maui or having resentment toward me for moving him away - but me and the kids weren't getting any of his time or attention. I was starting to not feel attracted to him anymore.

Anyway, back to 9/19 - Peter was a little upset that I hadn't told him about Kai. And when I brought up the fact that I wanted to put Chico down, his entire face changed. It was like a different person took over - even his eyes were different. He grabbed our biggest knife and said he was going to kill Chico right then and there. The kids were watching in horror. I went to grab Peter and he pushed me against the wall in a rage with the knife in his hand. I thought he was going to stab me. My mom pulled him away and Ryenne started crying. I was terrified.

I was ready to grab the kids and leave. I honestly don't remember exactly what happened after that. My body was so full of adrenaline and fear that I just can't remember anything immediately after that point. I know I was scared.

I know that Peter cried. He realized what he was doing, dropped to the ground, and started to cry. I was completely disgusted by him. But what could I do? I don't make enough money to be on my own with the kids. I can't even afford to rent a 1 bedroom apartment on my own. My mind was trying to figure out how I could be on my own with the kids. I couldn't. I simply couldn't do it. So I stayed in the house with him.

Eventually we got to talking. He was so sorry for blowing up the way that he had. He said he would never do it again. But that door had been opened and I couldn't trust him. I kept telling him that actions speak louder than words. All of his words to me were worthless.

In the days and weeks that followed, his actions began to change. He gave me space. He started spending more time with the kids - genuine time - not just sitting on the couch with them while he played on his phone. He asked me for input on what he could do to help me around the house. He told me he wanted to regain my trust and he knew it was going to be an uphill battle. He told me that he couldn't live without us. All of these things were just words unless he put them into action.

It was like we started dating again. We started to get to know each other again. We broke out of old routines and started fresh. I became more vocal about what I needed out of him and what I expected of him. I decided not to be a silent partner in the marriage. I was going to tell him what I wanted and if he couldn't do it then I'd be done. He knew he was walking on eggshells. Everything I asked of him, he did. And he did it with a smile on his face. He became the husband and father that he always should have been.

When I left for Maui with the kids it was really hard. We had just done all this work on our relationship and things were going great and here we were being in separate states for 2 months.

I think that being apart strengthened us even more. It was hard, but it helped us. A lot.

When we went to Lanai with the kids, I decided to set up a photo shoot for us. Lanai is where we honeymooned and it's one of my favorite places on the planet (of the places I've visited, that is). I think these pictures show exactly where we are right now. We're happier than we've been in our entire marriage. I guess we had to hit a very low point in order to change and grow. I'm a stronger woman than I ever have been. You know, it's funny because my wedding rings don't fit. I haven't worn them in over a year. I kinda don't want to anymore because they represent something that is dead. Our old marriage is dead.

These are some of my favorite images from our photo shoot. I wanted to share this story because it ignited such a change in us - both of us. Though what Peter did was bad - very bad - he is not a bad person. He has grown so much and I'm so proud of him.

Running on the beach

I am editing my brother's session I did for him on Maui. Ryenne came along as my assistant. And I found these images of her, which I had completely forgotten about. What a gem.

Being chased by Uncle Nico

Skipping at Palauea Beach

I love this one. She's completely airborne!

Sometimes life isn't fair, Baby Girl

You know how sometimes as a parent you don't know what to say and so you say something that your mom or dad told you as a child? Today was one of those days.

I picked up Ryenne from school and asked her how her day was. She said she didn't have a good day. This morning her friend Katelyn was chosen to go to the new Kindergarten class and Ry lost her friend. She turned to me with her big brown eyes and said, "Why did that happen, Mama? It's just not fair. I'm going to miss my friend.". And I looked at her and said, "Sometimes life isn't far, Baby Girl." I remember my mom told me that.

I am sure she'll get over it, but what a hard thing for a child to deal with. She said she made another friend in class, but sometimes this other friend doesn't want to play with her or talk to her. Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. My poor baby girl. All I could do was tell her, "I'm so sorry."

Summer

It still feels like summer. It was another day at over 100 degrees. I'm just waiting for Autumn to arrive.

We had a nice afternoon in the backyard before bath. The older two are diggin the swings!

My Cherub

Peter got this image of Cruz today on the cell phone. He's such a cherub. He's just such a sweet little guy. I love him to pieces. I can't believe how big he's getting already - 19 months already!!

I think a Cruzer photo shoot needs to happen soon.

I Love...

As I went to bed last night, I had to giggle as I laid next to Kai who had his undies on backward. I laid there thinking about things I love. And I decided it's time to make a list of little things that I'll forget. Maybe it'll be a weekend tradition? I don't know... I just know that i need to write them down so I don't forget.

I Love...

- how Kai wears his undies backward so he can see the picture when he looks down
- how Ryenne's eyes lit up when the cat down the street followed us home on this mornings walk
- the way Cruz is so excited about a donut on Sunday morning
- how Kai wants to be a superhero and race car driver at the same time
- the way Ryenne says, "Come snuggle me Mama" when I climb into bed
- gardening yesterday all by myself in the front yard and getting my hands so dirty it took 3 washes with soap to get the dirt off
- a chocolate shake shared with Cruz
- the way Peter takes off his wedding ring and spins it on the table to make all the kids go "oooooh"

10 Years

I can't believe it's been ten years. I remember that morning like it was yesterday.

I know that every year on 9-11 I sit and recall the events of that day. I reflect on my feelings - a mixture of horror, fear, awe, hope, disgust, sadness. I think that day changed us all in ways that we can immediately recognize and in ways that will reveal themselves over time.

It's an important reminder in the beauty of our Country - the way that we can come together to help each other regardless of political association, net worth, and religion. My wish is that we realized these things not just on 9-11, but every day.

We will never forget.

Just One Second

Today I took the boys to get the oil changed in the car and then to Target for TP and Dog food (glamorous purchases).

After I buckled the boys in, I turned on the car and was going to slowly pull out of my spot (I had a huge truck and an SUV on each side of my tiny XB), but I decided first to change the radio station. It's a good thing that I did. If I had pulled out a second earlier, I would have been hit right on the drivers side (and Kai's side) by a speeding SUV in the Target parking lot.

Made me realize that someone was watching over me and how just one second can change everything.

It's so easy to speed through a parking lot or a residential street. But it's such a terrible thing to do. Just one second could change everything.

Interesting

Tonight was kinda interesting. We went to Ryenne's school for "Curriculum Night". I joked with Peter that we're "Elementary School Parent Virgins" -- The PTA president got up and spoke about how every family should donate at least $35 dollars and then we learned there's a $70 fee for all kindergartners. We heard the principal talking about what a great school they are and how they are labeled "Exemplary" by the Austin ISD.

Peter and I kept looking at each other like, "When is this thing going to end?" it was taking FOREVER! We were finally released to Ryenne's classroom where we got to see where she sits. They share tables - four students to a table. Ryenne and a boy sit in such a way they face a wall. I didn't like that at all. They have posters of all the kids lining the wall and I was looking for Ry's and it wasn't up. My stomach went into knots while I pondered how to ask the teacher about this. It brought me back to that first day of school when she didn't have a place to sit or her name represented on the class wall.

I had Peter ask. Turns out her poster had fallen down. But it still made me sad that it wasn't put up in time for us to visit. And the fact that she sits facing the wall just makes me feel like she's an invisible child. I don't know if she actually is - but it just made me feel mad.

On our way back to the cafeteria for a "big announcement" from the Principal, Peter mentioned to me something that I just hadn't noticed. We were the only mixed race couple there. As I watched the parents in the cafeteria, I totally noticed what he was saying. We were! It was kinda wild!

So the big announcement from the Principal is that the school has too many kindergartners. They are supposed to have maximum 22 per class, but right now they have 25 per class (with just a teacher - no room helper!). So they got approved to open up one more class that will start week after next. They'll be pulling kids from each of the current 7 classes to make a whole new 8th class.

Part of me wants Ry to be put into the new class. But on the other hand, she has made a friend in her current class - just one friend - and I think she's clinging onto this friend for dear life. I know she's overwhelmed still. Kinda a tough thing to deal with - if she has to start over with a new teacher and a new routine.

I'll keep everyone posted on if she's one of the three kids that will be chosen from her class to go into this new class.

Her school is very nice and seems very organized. It's very upper-middle-class.

What I'm loving

I promised myself when I came back to Austin that I wouldn't let myself get into a funk. That I wouldn't be too sad that I had to leave Maui for a while.... that I would find the positive. Always.

I have been loving some things since getting back...

I've loved having Hannah back in our house on Saturdays. Hannah is the kids' babysitter on Saturday mornings and she is such a sweet girl. She made Ryenne a dress while we were gone. She really helps me out when I have things to do to catch up on from a week of craziness. Love you Hannah!

I've loved grocery shopping. Seriously. Not only grocery shopping, but also checking out a Farmers Market on Saturdays. I got some amazing organic things this week. I've even discovered a Dairy Market in Georgetown I wanna go check out... raw milk, raw cheeses, raw honey.... I can't wait!

I've loved cooking. A lot. And eating... hahaha.

I've loved school. I love how Ry is now excited about going to school. And the boys are back at school and Kai is one happy camper.

I think we're done with the 100+ degree heat in Texas. I am hoping. I'm looking forward to Fall. I love Fall. I know that when we do eventually move back to Maui that I will miss my favorite seasons.

Cruz tries jumping

We took a video of Cruz trying to learn to jump yesterday. It was pretty hilarious!


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For Grampy

Yesterday was Grampy's memorial service in Lake Tahoe. While we couldn't be there in person, we were all there in thought and spirit.

I got to put together a collage of images from Grampy's life. It was a wonderful reminder of how many people loved him, and how he loved them all back.

The collage was displayed at the memorial service and I thought I'd share it here as well.

A good read

You may have noticed I've added a little bar on the side of the blog that notes what I'm reading right now. I LOVE to read. At the end of the day, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, it's "ME" time.

Right now I am reading a very, very interesting book. It's called Nourishing Traditions and it pretty much goes against everything the FDA tells us about nutrition and what our bodies need. It's especially aimed at the health of children and the building blocks they need to grow.

For anyone interested in a completely different point of view on nutrition, this is a really great book. I am already making my first batch of cream cheese and will use the whey to make pickles and orange marmalade. Did you know that pickling in the olden days didn't involve vinegar? I had no idea!

I would really love to get some of these types of food in the kiddos - especially for Ryenne - who has the slowest digestive system of the kids and who I think has way too much crap in her intestines.

Anyway... it's a good read! Check it out!

First day of missed school

Well... we're all exhausted. Ryenne had two crowns and one filling yesterday. She had quite a sore mouth last night so I was up with her. I ended up keeping her home from school for lack of sleep (for both her and for me).

I think we are all walking around in a fog today. I have a huge pile of work waiting for me in the office upstairs, but I selfishly turned on the tv and the laptop and worked on my personal blog - it hadn't seen a facelift since December. So if you get this by email, you aren't seeing the facelift to the actual weblog.

The boys are throwing tantrums and are obviously tired. My sourdough bread experiment didn't rise (although the taste is right - it's just too dense). I'm winning the mother of the year award today as I ignore my tantrum throwing 2 year old.... can't wait for Peter to wake up so I can take a nap!

Summertime Baths & School

We're in a drought.... like really bad. But we need to keep our grass green cause the house is on the market. What to do? What to do? Well it's over 100 degrees still when it's bathtime so we figured we'd just throw the kids in a pool in the backyard and fill it with water and soap. They can splash as much as they want and then we can dump the water over the lawn. The kids are LOVING it. I know they'll miss this when it cools down. 

This morning was special because it was the boys' first day of preschool. Kai was so excited to go back to school - this year his buddy Hogan is going with him. It's Cruz's first year going and it will be so good for him. He has a wonderful classroom and immediately started playing with toys and the other kids. So this means I'll be kid free on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9am to 2pm! What to do? What to do? I'm excited to have this time to myself... for cooking, sleeping, cleaning, learning, ect. It's just for me. And I am so excited about it. But even more important than that, the boys were super excited to go to school. After Cruz had followed last year to drop off the older two, it was like he knew exactly where he was and he was so excited.

Here are my big boys. They are like best friends.