Perfect Day

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day. We headed to Maui Mall for some fountain play with my friend Leizl and her two girls. The kids had a ball. Then we headed to Haiku for some much needed hangout time with Nico and Abra. 

The pictures uploaded completely out of order... sorry about that.

Cruz and Aunty Abra

The kids got to climb the avocado tree with Uncle Nico. Kai was pretending it was a horse.

The tall grass was absolutely GORGEOUS. I wish I had brought my big camera with me (these are all iphone pictures). The kids and Uncle Nico were pretending they were tigers in the grass.

Of course a visit to Haiku wouldn't be complete without some fishing in the pond. Kai caught an orange fish and Ry caught a few of the silver fish. She even touched one! Kai still doesn't want to touch the fish, but he likes to reel them in.

Love this one of Kai looking back at me. He was making sure I was watching him fish like a "big boy".

This one uploaded completely out of order... grrr... Papa and Cruz napping together.

Big boy Cruz at the water fountains. He's starting to look like such a big boy.

 

Back to Haiku!!

Cruz is "cooking"

And getting kisses from Brutus

 

I ADORE this picture of Nico and Kai with the pups. LOVE IT.

More climbing the avocado tree. Ryenne was like a little monkey :)

See the monkeys in the tree?

Nico's cat PoKitty was in the tree too!

It was such a beautiful, magical day in Haiku. Haiku is such an incredibly beautiful, magical place. The kids love being there. They love hanging out with their uncle. It was just such a wonderful, wonderful day!

Inspired

Aside from Ry's temper tantrums, things are inspiring here. Professionally speaking I have never been so busy. Never been so inspired. Never been so enthusiastic and confident in my work.

In a world full of photographers - professional and amateur - I've been doing this for a while. I've always felt "not good enough" - not quite at the level of everyone else. Struggling even. Struggling to find my own personal style, my vision for my company, my pricing, managing my time. Finding a balance can be really hard.

But this summer has changed everything. I took a big leap of faith and drastically changed my business model this year. I lowered my prices. Which every professional photographer publication says not to do. I'm giving away my high res files, which is becoming more and more the norm among photographers who are just starting out. I came to the conclusion that I want to be busy. I want to make money (who doesn't?). Charging more just doesn't bring in as much business - there are too many photographers to compete with to charge more - clients will just go where it's cheapest in this economy. So I decided to offer boutique style photography at a really awesome price. And it's working. Better than I even thought.

I was afraid that being inexpensive would make people not appreciate the images. That it would just be a commodity and perhaps not an experience. I was wrong. My clients are sending me amazing emails of gratitude and it just touches my heart. I received this email from a client I photographed last week - they are from Houston and we were chatting about my desire to move back to Maui permanently. This is what she said,

"Thank you so much Mariah! The photographs are simply spectacular! You are doing exactly what God put you on earth to do, exactly where He intended you to do it! To say that you're talented would not do you justice. . . You make moments come to life in photographs. Wow! Thanks again- we will always treasure the photos. --Jen "

It just makes me KNOW in my heart that I'm meant to do this - that I am worthy of it - that I am good enough at it. That I've finally found my niche - my style - my love of the business part of it as well as the creative aspect. Inspiring. I can't wait for what's next.

Gloomy

Even as I type the weather is clearing. We woke up to a gloomy, rainy, beautiful morning. I love the rain. Always have. 

Three little butts were facing me with their noses against the screen watching the rain fall in sheets. I wish I had grabbed my camera for that. 

There is just *something* about a rainy day. Something that brings out the snuggles in everyone. The light from the living room window was dark and grainy. The kids seemed to glow. These are dark and contrasty just like the morning.

A big mahalo

A big mahalo - thank you - to all of you who left me comments and sent me emails and called me about my last post.

A lot of you have suggested looking into sensory issues and possible evaluation of Ry and I think that's a route that we'll take when we get back to Austin. Kai does have sensory issues, which we're working on, but perhaps Ry does as well although in a different capacity.

Ryenne is a child that thrives off of structure and routine. Right now we are in a situation that is completely void of structure and routine. When you have 10 people living in a 3 bedroom house, all with different schedules, ideas, ages, ect it becomes impossible to follow a routine. There is no structure. Ry is freaking out and lashing out. She knows my buttons and she knows that I am in a weak position without Peter here and in a home where punishments are different than in our own. Plus I'm working more than ever and not as available to her as normal. It's a lot for a 5 year old mind to handle.

I've discussed this with my mom in law that Ryenne does need more discipline. She's agreed with me and we've taken away outtings from Ryenne until she can control her outbursts hurting Kai. It seems to be helping. I know it's a temporary fix, but I truly feel that when we're back in Austin and back into more structure that she'll become a happier person.

When we move back to Maui (date still not set), we will rent our own place and keep structure. I think it's the only way my kids will behave - all of them.

With all of that said, I have a couple videos to share - me tickling Cruz and Cruz and Kai at the Maui Mall waterfountains - these are new and FABULOUS. We took lunch and hung out. The boys had a ball (Ryenne didn't get to come as it was the day after the tantrum)






And Cruz in his little world - the front yard - in his Filipino tank top and diaper.

Temper Tantrum

There is a dark side to us being on Maui. Ryenne has been worse behaved then ever before. I haven't talked about it much because I thought I could get things under control. But today's temper tantrum was the worst I have ever experienced.

I feel like I'm questioning my parenting methods, questioning myself as a mom, and I'm just mad and frustrated - at myself? at the world? at Ryenne?

It seems like Ryenne is sabotaging everything fun that I plan. Beach day? Well she does something naughty to get it taken away. Playdate? She goes and pulls hitting her brother and gets it taken away. Today's activity I had planned was ukulele lessons at Lahaina Cannery Mall.

I was actually really excited for this one. I told the kids to go potty before we left and packed up the stroller and a toy ukulele for Cruz to play with while we all strummed real ones. We got to the center stage and sat down just as it was starting. Ryenne said she had to go pee.

Ok... I should have expected it. Off to the bathroom we went. The potties are the kind that flush by themselves. She doesn't like them. I can understand that. But at the moment she has to go, Kai says he has to go and can't get his pants off. So I tell Ryenne to go potty while I help Kai and park Cruz in the corner of the bathroom.

She FLIPS out. Seriously FLIPS out. So much so that she pulls her pants down and proceeds to pee all over the bathroom. She gives me the eye like, "What are you going to do about it?". I put Kai back in the stroller with Cruz and said, "That's it. We're done. We're going home."

Enter. Total. Meltdown.

To say that the entire mall her her screaming would be an understatement. She screamed at the top of her lungs, got on the floor and threw a fit, physically tried to stop the stroller from rolling IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL. I ended up picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder while I was pushing the stroller. She was kicking and hitting and being all around miserable.

When we got to the car (finally) she hawked a giant loogy and spit in Kai's face. It took every ounce of restraint that I had not to hurt her. I was so upset and so embarrassed. I strapped this kicking child into her carseat and just breathed.

The whole afternoon of fun was ruined.

How have I gone so wrong with her? What have I done wrong? What am I missing. Why does she disrespect me over and over again? Why does she continue to challenge my authority? She is FIVE. I am completely afraid of her as a teenager. There is no doubt in my mind that if she continues along this path she is going to be a horrible, disrespectful person.

I want to have a loving relationship with my daughter. Right now I love her and can't stand her all in the same moment. That hurts me to write that but it's real. It's my real life at this very moment and I'm so lost. I just don't know what to do.

Busy, Busy

It seems I've been ignoring the blog. I know. It's been so busy and so crazy lately. In a good way.

Last week I took the kids to Uncle Nico's house to hang out and go fishing in the tilapia pond. They also got to climb the avocado tree.

We've been on playdates with friends, gone to the beach, been on a "girls day".... I've had my camera in hand so much on photo shoots that I've left it behind with the kiddos. Just trying to absorb and enjoy everything. Planning on spots to take Peter picnicking - pulling off at places we've never been before.

Yesterday me and the kids had an amazing time with Heidi and her three girls and on the way home there was an amazing ray of light coming through the clouds. I thought to myself, "Oh how pretty!" and pulled off the higway and got out of the car to watch it with the kids. Cars zoomed by and I thought, "Wow they're missing it!" it was magical and beautiful. And I was so glad that we stopped. We were all ooohing and aaahing. I love moments like that!

Little Pink Thing

I took Ry with me this morning to a photo shoot that I was doing for a friend. We met at mile marker 14. Ryenne had a ball running around. My little pink thing.... 

What to do...

When I'm home alone with four kids and no car. MUD PLAY!!! WooHoo! The kids had a BLAST!

Sunset

The other nights sunset was ON FIRE. It was gorgeous. I was a little bummed I didn't have a shoot that night - BUT - it was still awesome since I was in the backyard watching it with a fresh coconut in hand. These shots are completely unedited (just resized)

We're all doing good. Missing Peter a lot. A really lot. We've been heading to the beach and to playdates with friends this week. I just have one shoot and it's tomorrow. 

I've been stalling with my weight loss and I think it's because I haven't been tracking my calories. So I'm on day two of tracking again and I've also started a new workout regimen designed for women. I just started it today and it kicked my butt. I have five more days and then a rest day. Felt like a total spaz while doing it. But it was cool and I was a sweaty mess afterward.