Portrait of a Two Year Old

It was a beautiful day outside again today. Sunny, warm, practically perfect. The kids had worked me all morning - hitting each other, pushing, stealing toys, blowing boogers everywhere... I needed outside. We needed to just run around and not be inside.

Ryenne brought out her bear that she's borrowing from school. Her name is "Sugar Pongo" and I was supposed to take pictures of the bear participating in family activities all weekend. The bear has been in the bag all weekend - bad, bad mom!

Cruz enjoyed the sunshine too. 

I made another attempt to get a picture of all three kids together, smiling, looking perfect for the camera. A certain two year old wanted nothing to do with it. 

The real reason I brought the camera outside was to let Kai run loose and take pictures of him - this crazy little two year old boy. 

One of his favorite shows is called Avatar - the Last Airbender. It's actually a really well done cartoon series on Netflix. The main character, Aang, is an airbender and controls air and learns how to control other elements. Kai grabbed some sticks and ran around yelling he was the Airbender :) 

He was so mad at me for taking pictures of him. I had to save this picture below so that I can show him when he's big what a pill he was being. 

Then it was back to being the Airbender. Look at that fierce warrior face! 

He has also just recently started being afraid of the dark and climbing his chest of drawers to turn on his light. I think we're going to need to move the chest of drawers now. Crazy boy.

I took it out on the carpet...

I had a rough night last night. Not just a rough night with Cruz, but a rough night with Kai which resulted in a rough night with Cruz and Ryenne as well. 

Kai is going through that very special time of being two. The time where everything is "NO!" and "ALL BY MYSELF!" and he's swatting everyone and being an all around pill. It makes me so frustrated. 

I woke up really exhausted this morning. Gams needed a break away from the kids (perfectly understandable!) and so we didn't do breakfast at their house today. 

I was feeling really sorry for myself this morning. Things can just be SO HARD. I often feel like my attention units are pulled in so many different directions all at the same time that nothing can ever get done. Aside from household duties which are never caught up on, motherhood duties which have me twisting in emotional knots all the time, business duties which make me act like I have my sh*t together when really I am just going crazy inside - I am just a mess. A total mess. I needed something to take my emotions out on. 

So when Cruz went down for his nap me and the big kids cleaned up the toys in the playroom and I got out my knife and started shredding the carpet. I hate that freaking carpet. I HATE CARPET. 

My parents arrived just as I was toting out the first roll of the disgusting stuff. They helped me move the sauna and the bookcase and get the tack strips out. Them just being here made me calm down a bit. I fear that if they hadn't shown up I would have had some sort of meltdown. Getting the carpet out was quite therapeutic. And while the bookcase was moved, I decided I wanted to paint in there too. 

Tomorrow me and the kids are going to pick up some paint and some floors. Will I actually have a completed room in my house? I hope so. 

Four Steps

This afternoon I did mini sessions at my parents place - the light was beautiful - everyone showed up. It was great. 

Ryenne sat in my chair to help me test my exposure. I was going to get her dressed up for a shoot afterward, but I was exhausted. 

Maybe we'll try again tomorrow? I really want some cute Valentine's pictures for her to pass out to her classmates.

While I was taking a little break in between sessions, Peter was hanging out with Cruz. Little Man was standing up like a champ. He took two steps!

I love this series of pictures - I love how proud Cruz is and how excited. And I love how Peter is absorbing this moment so fully. It's priceless.

When we got home and fed and bathed the kids (Kai was a pill today - hence no pictures!), Cruz took FOUR STEPS. I wonder if he'll try it again tomorrow?

This morning while Cruz napped we put paper and crayons and heart cutouts with glue sticks all over the table. Ryenne and Kai colored. Normally I'd try to be all up in their faces trying to get pictures of it, but today I just sat with them at the table and watched their little hands create. Ryenne colored a a heart with flowers (a coloring book page) and she colored inside the lines. She was so proud. I helped her cut out the outline and we put it on the front door. She was grinning from ear to ear.

Today I had to take Kai to an appointment at Dell Children's Hospital. Part of his therapy was to get his hearing checked and the appointment day finally came. It was nice to get away with just Kai Boy. We were driving up the freeway and talking about race cars and trucks and how there was an orange hot rod in front of us. We were laughing. And out of nowhere he said, "I love you mama". And I told him I was so happy to have this time with just him and he told me, "Me too". When we parked at the hospital he held my hand and walked inside like a big boy. He smiled at everyone and flirted in his Kai Boy way. He passed the hearing test with flying colors. On the way out I told him how good he was and he said, "French fries?" - so I bought him his own french fries to munch while we sat in traffic on the way home.

And Cruzer.... gosh he's just growing like a weed. He is so close to walking that he can taste it. It makes me so nervous to watch him climb his push toy and gingerly step forward with it. I keep lunging for him like he's going to fall flat on his face and he just smiles at me like, "Just let me try it mom". So I let him and he inches forward.

This afternoon it was nearly 80 degrees - it was gorgeous. We took a little afternoon walk - all five of us. When asked what they wanted for dinner, two monkeys yelled cereal, yogurt, and blueberries. Three Littles are happily sleeping. I have no pictures from today. But it was beautiful.

Neurology Appointment

Today I had my neurology appointment and I think it went really well. The doctor really took time to get to know me and ask me all kinds of things to really delve deep to figure out what my problem is. She really took interest in finding out "WHY" instead of just giving me medicine and sending me on my way. She has called for an MRI and an MRA. I think they'll be calling to set that up for very soon. We talked about how I feel this is a hormonal issue - my body is going through so many changes right now - and she felt that it could very well be but wants to make sure there isn't something else going on. I really liked that she wants to be thorough.

I had a rough night last night with both boys and today with an underlying headache I felt quite "flighty" all day -  kinda not all there :) Slightly nutty comes to mind.

I was a vegetable with the kids this afternoon while Peter was at school. Me and the three of them curled up on the bean bag pillow and watched Mater's Tall Tales. Actually they watched the show and I watched them.

I got another migraine on Tuesday night. Was outside playing with the kids and my mom and then everything went all sparkley and the headache came on. Super bummed about it. 

Earlier in the day I had cleaned Kai's room and found a stash of plugs (pacifierss) in the back of his closet that he must have forgotten. They were shoved into a sock. I put them on his dresser and was so excited to see his face at bedtime. He loves those things. I just can't take them away yet. And then I missed it. 

I have an appointment tomorrow with a neurologist. Mom is watching the kids so I can go and have all my attention units to myself. I'll keep everyone posted. 

When I took the kiddos to school Tuesday morning, I walked inside to find this when I came in the door. Cruzer was passed out on Daddy - it was so sweet.

Kai Boy has been fighting his afternoon naps. He had fought this one and lost.

And lastly, the view from our back porch into the blue, wintry sky. I just thought it was pretty.

Again...

It happened again. I got another migraine.

This time, it was on the opposite side of my head and didn't affect my speech center. It was on the left side this time. I was out on a walk and getting close to home when my vision went crazy in my right eye. I got home, sat down, and that's about the last thing I remember.

Peter gave me meds, put me to bed, and my mom came over for the night.

In evaluating this one compared to the last one - last one's was by far worse - but this one was nothing to sneeze at. I looked at everything that was similar to each time - what could be triggering them? I have three possible culprits that could be either working together to form "the perfect storm", or one of them is just gnarly enough to start it all on it's own. Here are the similarities between the two:

1) MSG. Both times I had consumed something with MSG within 24 hours of migraine onset.
2) NITRATES. Both times I had consumed bacon within  24 hours of migraine onset.
3) SAUNA. This one throws me a little. Because I had been using the sauna for months and only these last two times I have gotten a migraine within 24 hours.

My thoughts are that perhaps the sauna made it worse by trying to draw out these toxins from my system. Regardless, I am monitoring my diet very carefully and will take a break from the sauna.

The Gold Stage

Fridays are my weigh in day. Today was a good day.

I started tracking on March 22, 2010 - I weighed in at 229 pounds. Today I weigh 177 pounds. Today I hit my intermediate goal on Calorie King and move to the "Gold Stage" - the last stage of the program - which really means I just keep doing what I'm doing - but it's a milestone so I figured I'd celebrate it.

I just set my next intermediate goal for 169. And my "final" goal to 145. But honestly I don't even know what 145 would look or feel like. It's just a recommended number based on height. Honestly I just really want to weigh less than Peter. When I feel "done" with losing, I will switch to maintaining with all the things I have learned. I can't even begin to explain how good I feel in my own skin. It's never been like that before.

Singing to Cruz

I am always singing to Cruz - usually whatever my favorite song of the week is - I wish I had written some of the others...

Lately it's been "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars...

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you

Cruz Learning to Growl

Growing

All these kids sure are doing a whole lot of growing. It blows my mind. Cruz loves to be on Peter no matter what. Sitting next to him, sitting on his shoulders, his lap, being held. He is definitely a daddy's boy.

I need to make a separate post about our green carseat. That green carseat belonged to all three kiddos. And Cruz has outgrown it and got his Sunshine Kids carseat just like the other two. Such a big boy already. See Kai Boy? He snuck into Ry's middle seat. I think he really wants to be facing forward like sister. See how his chair is facing hers? There's been a whole lot of hitting going on. Time to put him forward facing I think.

This just cracked me up. Peter sat down with a bag of potato chips and ZOOOOM.... all the kids gravitated toward the couch.

These next ones are with the big camera :) 

Cruz loves to climb into the foyer and play cars on the little windows by the door. It's kinda like "his" spot away from his brother and sister where he can take his cars and gaze outside.

Admittedly I took all the babyfood off his face digitally for this b/w one :)

While we were in the front, Emmy wondered over to see what Cruz was up to. Since the light was so nice I got a good picture of her. She's very hard to photograph because she's so wiggly and she's so black. She blends into just about everything!

They sat at the door for a good 10 minutes just watching. It was very adorable.

Ryenne asked for a picture so I took her into the playroom and bounced the flash off the wall behind me. She has been such a good girl (for the most part) lately. So proud of her.

Now that things have been getting easier with Ryenne, Kai has stepped up into his crazy two year old role. He's been hitting a lot. And saying, "I DON'T WANT TO!" and hitting his trucks together and yelling "NOT NICE!". Car rides have been the pits lately as he has started hitting his sister while I'm driving. Grrr....

I was trying to get pictures of Kai, since I haven't gotten any lately and Ryenne  was looking all sad. I got this picture of her on the couch. I wonder what was going through her mind... looks like some deep thoughts.

The kiddos are definitely growing and keeping me and Peter on our toes. I am trying to be creative in keeping them occupied - today we played "Parade" in the living room and marched around and then did Ring Around the Rosey. Then tickling. And then I want to give them time to be creative and play on their own as well. Trying to find a balance is always a challenge.

Yesterday I got to go down to San Antonio for a couple hours to the Imaging USA Expo that was going on. Thousands of photographers from all over were attending. I went to the trade show to see albums and labs and all kinds of goodies. I won a $199 gift card for business cards and press products, found a new lab, some new albums, and photo jewelry. It was a really wonderful trip down there.

Peter had his first day back at school last night so I bathed the kids and put them to bed myself. When he got home, he brought beer and cheeseburgers and we had a little "date" with our food and a quiet house. It was really nice. 

Today we took the kids to North Austin and checked out a used Subaru Tribeca at the Subaru dealership. Our Scion is awesome but it is small and the kids have been fighting a ton. So we just went to look and I got to drive it and it was beautiful and big, but not too big. But it doesn't come in a manual transmission. This is HUGE for me. To give up my manual tranny. I LOVE to drive. Basically we were all there to drool over the WRX's and turbo Legacy's :) Kai  had so much fun looking at the "race cars" that he didn't want to leave. 

We decided that we'll turn Kai's carseat around and see if that might help the situation with the hitting and fighting that has been going on. It's not easy to pull over when they're fighting - especially if I'm on the freeway or a road with no shoulder. I wish there was a perfect answer for a car that would be big enough for us, but fun and sporty at the same time.

iPhone Pictures

 About time I put up some recent pictures from my phone.

Ryenne loves her sink bath every night. She says it's her special time with me when she doesn't have to share me with the boys. Awwwww.

 Cruz has been a very messy eater lately. This was our last batch of cookies on January 3rd.

 He's also pulling up on everything. If he is holding something in his hands he'll stand and balance without realizing it.

 Me and Cruzer in front of my favorite mirror.

 This next one just really cracks me up. Without fail, all of the kids love to go climb into the hutch. So much so that we have removed the contents in the cupboard part. And Cruz went and crawled in just like his sister and brother have. And I loved his little booty sticking out at me.

 It's been cold so this morning we made cupcakes. Cruz got it all over as usual.

 Ryenne was showing off how a Princess holds a cupcake :)

 Kai  Boy had cupcake EVERYWHERE along with drool. It wasn't a pretty picture so I'll spare you.

 Tonight we had spaghetti and rather than put Cruz's through the food processor we decided to let him have at the noodles. He ate two helpings full of spaghetti and was thrilled to be eating the noodles by himself!

I am feeling much, much better today. Still a dull headache pain and my back is sore from the spinal tap, but much better overall!

Yesterday

Yesterday I took the kids to school and I shouldn't have been driving. I was feeling "floaty" and drove really slow. I spent the morning with Cruz on the floor and had my mom pick up the kiddos from school. The rest of the afternoon my headache was achy but I kept feeling "floaty" - off balance, like my feet weren't on the ground, like I could topple over.

I tried answering emails and my typing was horrible. My hands wouldn't cooperate with the signals my mind was sending. I was frustrated. Kai's O.T. Marti sent me an email of concern. And when I thought about what was going on, I thought that maybe it would be wise to get checked out right away. I had tried to get into Austin Regional Clinic (called 3 times to ask to be seen today) but they were too busy.

So my mom came over and Peter called in to work and took me to Seton Southwest ER. On the way there, the right side of my face started having spasms (think smiling but just on one side) while the left side got droopy (only around the jaw).

I saw myself in the bathroom mirror and it looked like I was scowling/growling - it looked very bizarre! The ER took me in and we did a CT Scan and bloodwork and a spinal tap. All came out clear. The doctor gave me morphine and migraine meds and my body relaxed so much that the face spasms went away and I regained control of my left cheek/jaw area.

The doctor explained that migraines have some very strange manifestations and that mine was presenting these strange things. I believe mine was triggered by two things: lack of sleep and the return of my cycle. I have an appointment with a neurologist on the 27th to follow up.

I am feeling good today though. Much more back to normal!

Ugh

Tuesday night I  started feeling yucky. My left shoulder and my left back muscles were hurting. I woke up Wednesday feeling cold. "Uh-oh... I've got a cold" I thought to myself.

Thankfully Peter was off during the day and took Kai to therapy and my mom came over and watched Ryenne and Cruz. As I laid in my bed the world started turning, my head started pounding (right side), and my face warped itself into spasms as a full fledged migraine came on.

I haven't had a large migraine since 2003. I think my body has been giving me signs that something was coming for the last few weeks - forgetting words, spelling things backwards - and yesterday my body had a reaction in a huge way.

I slept almost all day. I was thankful that my room stays very dark as any ounce of light was painful. Even through my door when I heard the kids argue or laugh it hurt my head.

The headache started to lift at about 5pm. I was attacked by dizzy spells the remainder of the day and into the night. Thankfully the kids all slept pretty well last night. Today has been more dizzy spells and I am handing over the driving tasks to my mom to get the kids from school today. I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday to be checked out.

The last few days...

A few days ago I took Ry and Cruz to Pops and Gams house to do a photo shoot with Pop (Kai was asleep with Peter).

I love my dad. He and I are like two peas in a pod... so much alike. I love bouncing ideas with him and joking around. I really enjoyed the time that he spent living with us when he first arrived in Texas.

 My favorite:

I think I'll need to convince my mom for a shoot of her soon. Or even better maybe a sweetheart shoot for them for Valentines Day (mom I know you're rolling your eyes right now!). 

Pops handsome new hat and boots are from Grandmama. My mom picked the hat and I think they all work together so nicely!

Yesterday Peter and I took full advantage of our gift card that Pops and Gams gave us for Christmas. Mom came over and watched the kiddos while Peter and I headed out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It was really good. We then savored a trip to Target for toilet paper and bread and were thrilled that nobody was fighting over who would sit where in the cart or reach for things that we don't need. 

Peter and I decided that we really need to make a trip home to Maui happen this year. It just MUST happen. It's been almost a year and a half since our last vacation. So it's a personal goal to make this happen.

Happy Videos

My Cruzito is getting so big already. When he's happy he makes an "SSSSSS" sound like he's a snake. He was doing it today while I was changing him. I tried to get it on video. He does it really quietly so it's hard to hear.



And today he started clapping!!!! He has also started waving recently.





Getting so big.

We have a cold front in right now and it's getting much cooler - very different from our 80 degree recent weather. I went running today and it was 47 outside. We had a lovely breakfast with Gams and Pops at Cracker Barrel.

My Views - A Rant

Today a congresswoman and a bevvy other people (including a child) were shot at an appearance in Arizona. I realize there are a lot of immigration issues going on in Arizona and I realize that everyone has their thoughts on this subject.

What was truly sad was reading some of the comments people had left on the bottom of the Yahoo article regarding Mexicans. The Arizona sherrif in charge had this to say: "The anger, the hatred, the bigotry that goes on in this country is getting to be outrageous, and unfortunately, Arizona I think has become the capital. We have become the mecca for prejudice and bigotry."

I don't belong to any political party. Instead, I feel more prone to sticking to my gut when something is right, and when something is wrong.

My heritage, and my children's heritage touches just about every continent of this planet (aside from Antarctica, Australia, and Africa). I am proud to say that while I am American, my roots and their roots go back all over this planet. We are ONE RACE. The human race. I am so sick and tired of people looking down on Mexicans. Like any culture, there are good people and bad people. Like any culture, there are mothers raising their kids to do good, there are well educated people, there are loving people, and then like right here in the U.S. there are bad, sleazy people.

Living in Austin I hear a lot of trash talk about Mexicans. I am part Mexican. My dad holds dual citizenship. This is something I HATE about Texas. I hate the bigotry here. I hate seeing weird stares at my children when I'm outside Austin city limits.

My mom is German. Her relatives immigrated to the U.S. just like many Mexican's immigrated here. Our roots, as Americans, are all from somewhere else, are they not? Maybe everyone should be deported to their home country and we should just give the U.S. back to American Indians and Native Hawaiians. Or is that going to far? Where is the line? Why can't we just get along?

The Sink Ritual

We've discovered a new, important ritual in our house.

I always thought the kids loved being put in the bathtub all together. But then they started fighting. And someone would get dunked and unhappy and chaos would take over and our lovely bath time was ruined.

We've been bathing Cruz in the kitchen sink because he's been such a messy eater and because we didn't want him in the middle of the upstairs bathtub chaos. And then a couple days ago Kai asked to take a bath in the kitchen sink after Cruz. And after Kai, Ryenne wanted a bath in the kitchen sink.

We've been doing after dinner baths in the kitchen sink for a few days now. It's become special to each kid because they have mommy alone, all to themselves, for that bath time. We splash the water, use the sprayer to wash hair, brush teeth in the sink, take vitamins in the sink. It's there own special time with no other kid around. It's quite nice for me too. Thanks again, Pops and Gams, for the deep sink.

The end of Christmas

Yesterday the weather was gorgeous. I asked the older kiddos to help me with a photography project. I posted the first tutorial on aperture on my business site here. Ryenne was a perfect angel being my model. I was giving her a bath yesterday and reflected on how big she's getting. Such a big girl already...

When Cruz was napping we headed outside. Ryenne found a bug by the front door.

I took Kai by the side of the house and he was dancing. I thought this face was so hilarious. I know it's not the most flattering, but it's just so funny.

I love his surfer boy hair.

January and almost 80 degrees in Austin, Texas!

The leaves are still falling off the trees in our neighborhood. Ryenne loves collecting them.

Peter took down the Christmas lights. We were all sad to see the lights packed away. But only 11 months till they come out again! :)

Ryenne dancing in front of Frosty before he went back into his box.

I kept trying to get a picture of them together sitting on this step. They wouldn't do it until I said, "You guys aren't allowed to sit on the front step. Don't go over there." Sure enough they both went. Hehe

Okay don't laugh. I am terrified of chemicals now since Kai's ordeal. I have vowed never to dye my hair again. I used to love dye my hair - anything from burgundy to black, to light brown, ect. Lately I've felt like I might want to try something even more drastic like pink or purple or something. Well I found a seller on Etsy called Miss Violet Lace and she has some really amazing wig colors. Peter helped me pick out this burgundy number. I just thought it would be so much fun to hit the town looking like a different person and spice things up. The wig arrived yesterday and I was so excited to put it on. I think it's really, really fun and beautiful. I truly did feel like I had an alter ego when I wore it. My friend Debbie named her "Veronica" LOL. I think my next one will be jet black with peacock blue streaks.