I'm sitting here at a complete loss feeling like 1) the worst mom on the planet 2) like my hands are completely tied 3) like I've stolen the magic of Christmas...
I believe I've mentioned before that Ryenne does mean things. And not lighthearted little kid things - but manipulative, beyond her years things. My parents have offered advice that is helping (of all things, it's Scientology - let me know if you want details - and I am NOT a Scientologist).
I really thought that Santa's elf watching day in and day out would help her use her conscience and make good choices. I thought that Santa knowing who's naughty and nice would help. When she's in one of her states, she screams at me, "I don't even care if Santa comes or not" and then later she apologizes.
Anyway, yesterday she squeezed Emmy until Emmy was yelping and Ryenne wouldn't stop. I told her if she EVER hurts the dog again I was going to take down the Christmas tree. "Oh mommy no! I will never hurt Emmy again!"
So today I hear Emmy yelp while I was using the bathroom and sure enough Ry had squeezed her. An accident Ry says.... I didn't see it happen so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her that this is the last chance. Not 15 minutes later we're all playing in the playroom and Ry hits Emmy right in front of me. I took Emmy to the laundry room where her bed is, made sure the boys were occupied, and started taking off ornaments. Into the ornament box they went. Down the tree came. Ryenne cried and cried. And the tree is completely put away. The spot in the corner of the living room is bare.
I am feeling so conflicted.
I feel like if I didn't follow through on my threat that she would win. And how sad of me to feel like I'm in a battle with my 4 year old. I can't understand why she can't have a sweet heart all the time. I don't know where this darkness in her comes from. I don't want to tell her she's bad - I don't want to plant that seed in her only to have it be a self fulfilling prophecy "My mom says I'm naughty so I'll really BE naughty!". I tell her that what she is doing is bad. I am trying very hard to not use the language that SHE is bad. It's her ACTIONS are bad. I want so badly for her to be sweet so we can do fun things.
EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS THING WE'VE PLANNED FOR OUT OF THE HOUSE HAS HAD TO BE CANCELLED. We haven't gone anywhere. The boys get nothing of the magic because Ryenne is so crazy. It's not fair. I am at such a loss... I feel like I have completely failed.
4 comments:
Mariah, you are absolutely not a failure. A mother with her children's best interests at heart cannot possibly be a failure.
That said, I think it is important to maybe look at having Ry professionally evaluated. If there is something deeply "wrong" with her, it is likely beyond yours and your family's ability to help her on your own. Harming animals is a sign to take very seriously, and get some help for her. It is also important for you to look at removing animals from your home if they are in danger. I'm sure you know all of this, but if it helps to have some back up, I'm offering it here. I'm so sorry you are facing this. I hope you guys can get some help so that next Christmas can be a better one. Love you girl <3
It's a tough situation. But I think it's good that you stuck to your guns. You're right... she needs to know that you're serious or otherwise this behavior will continue. She's going to learn that all of her actions, both good and bad, have consequences. I wouldn't worry too much about the boys though. As much as you want them to have the Christmas experience, they're so young that it won't affect them. Stay strong Momma!
I agree with Maehren about the severity of hurting animals. I also have another perspective. You are a great mom and you absolutely need to follow through with your word. But, I don't think your hands are tied and I don't think Christmas is ruined. The tree is such a small part of Christmas in our house. If you focus more on Christ's birth and the gift that was, it might well be an amazing teaching moment for her. Because Christ IS forgiveness, you could model that forgiveness to her as well and enjoy the season even more. Keep the tree away, but still celebrate. My intent is not to preach or push my own beliefs. However, I really do see this as a teaching moment if you have chosen to follow Christianity. I also have some good books that I can loan you on teaching niceness and respect for toddlers. Some are Christian based, others are not. Just let me know if you are interested. My kids like them. :)
i don't think she has something seriously wrong with her, actually i think she is quite normal. she is testing her limits with this new member who came into her home like a new baby, being cuddled and talked to in sweet voices. remember they say a new member of the family will always be hardest on the oldest child. i don't think she is trying to hurt emmy i do think she is trying to hurt you though. she needs you mama, just you, your time. take her for just mama and me time. i promise you she will feel that you love her and will start to want more positive attention from you then negative. we just went through a hard time with quinn but are coming out the other side...finally. xoxo.
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